In the Age of High Divorce Rate Should we Promote Marriage at an Earlier Age?

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That is the question I had after reading a thought provoking article Albert Mohler wrote on his blog yesterday. I believe in promoting abstinence. Sex should only be within the confines of marriage. So the question I have as Christian parents raising kids should we encourage them to marry at an earlier age?

Society and many of our churches suggest we encourage them to wait until they are older. As cited in Albert Mohler’s article, Sociologist Mark Regnerus in his book “The Case for Early Marriage” (which I have not read) argues that having them wait until they are middle to late 20’s is waiting to long.

In the Christianity Today article by Mark Regnerus he says, “Indeed, over 90 percent of American adults experience sexual intercourse before marrying. The percentage of evangelicals who do so is not much lower.” I would not be surprised if that is even a bit higher percentage because there are many unreported cases that never comes to light.

We have an epidemic of Godly Christian men and women who fall into this sexual sin far too easily. Would encouraging them to marry in their late teens or early 20’s help??

You might be surprised by my answer, I believe it would help.

Mind you I do struggle with the idea of two immature people marrying and taking on the cares of the world at a young age. I worry that while sexual sin among Christians may decrease a bit, the divorce rate may increase (but they argue against that point in the Christianity Today article).

This is not a problem with a solid solution.

What I do know is there are GOOD people who are Christians who are encouraged to wait until they are mature, have a secure job, and are “steady” before they consider marriage. Our churches directly or indirectly teach this also. It sounds good in a perfect world, but I believe it sets up so many people to fall in the trap of sexual sin. And Satan loves that.

As quoted on Mohler’s blog, Regnerus says :

Evangelicals tend to marry slightly earlier than other Americans, but not by much. Many of them plan to marry in their mid-20s.Yet waiting for sex until then feels far too long to most of them. And I am suggesting that when people wait until their mid-to-late 20s to marry, it is unreasonable to expect them to refrain from sex. It’s battling our Creator’s reproductive design

Mark Regnerus argues we need to be more proactive in teaching marriage.  He says, “In reality, spouses learn marriage, just like they learn communication, child-rearing, or making love. Unfortunately, education about marriage is now sadly perceived as self-obvious, juvenile, or feminine, the domain of disparaged home economics courses. Nothing could be further from the truth.

When I shared this article with my sister she replied:

I think there should be so many things in the couples path to make a marriage work these days, like a good support group/marriage group, strong Christian family or friends around, and I definitely think that both the bride and groom need to both be strong in their faith. (hope you dont mind me quoting you sis) You can read the rest of her wonderful comments on my facebook page. And she does share some good wisdom.

I want to add that I agree with all of the above also, unfortunately that is the exception not the rule.  At least having all of what is mentioned above.  I too wish each marriage has that type of support.  I had that support (at least where family was concerned), but unfortunately I was on the other side of the US so for me it was different.

There are many reasons why people should not get married, I am looking at this from the perspective of good Christian people who love each other but are waiting to marry until they are older.  I think when a dating couple realizes they have met the person they are going to spend the rest of their life with, they should begin planning to get married sooner rather than later (obviously I am thinking of individuals older than 18).  I feel by them waiting, it opens the door for the possibility of sexual sin and a place Satan can trip up a Christian marriage before it even begins.

Yes as a mother I want my sons to be on solid footing before they marry, I want to know they can provide for my future daughter adequately, and I would like them to have a little maturity under their belt. Unfortunately sometimes we can’t have all our ducks in a row before we walk down the isle. If the choice is to live in sexual sin or to marry at an early age, I would want my sons to marry.  Then I would tell them to buckle up because marriage is a difficult journey with greater rewards than you can image.

I would suggest you read the articles I linked to, join me in my blogfrog community to discuss. Would love to hear your arguments for or against.  Did you marry early? If so how did it affect your  marriage.  Did you wait and was that mistake to wait?

Photo by truebluetitan

14 thoughts on “In the Age of High Divorce Rate Should we Promote Marriage at an Earlier Age?”

  1. I think this is a very interesting debate. Instead of joining in the debate, I'm just going to add some salt to it. I got married what is considered very young nowadays. A lot of people discouraged this. I have to say that we have never had a hard time in our marriage (so far as our relationship) although it seems like everyone expected we would. Why? I haven't thought about it that much — I guess we communicate well and have no problem with commitment…

    Second, I really wonder what the Christian women friends I have in their thirties (and beyond) who are not married yet would think. I know that many of them desire marriage and have for a long time. Is putting this new “standard” (can't think of a better word) out there going to make them feel even worse about their situation. Of course, we know that God's timing is different for different people, but oftentimes (from what they tell me) they are made to feel like outcasts.

    So, thanks for bringing this up, it

  2. I read the blog post & the Christianity Today article after you posted them on FB yesterday. It's kinda been swirling around in my head for the past 24 hours. I'm not quite sure exactly what I think about it. I have all kinds of “Yes, but” thoughts. Thanks for putting this out there! It's definitely something interesting and relevant to “chew” on!

  5. I came from a community where marriage is encouraged at a much younger age than where we live in the city in another state now. Part of the “success” of the community I lived in before's low divorce rates was a continued valueing by society there of long term marriages, social disapproval of divorce and divorce as a solution for lack of maturity and communication in a marriage. There was just so much more emphasis in the community and in the school on family values, boundaries, and the necessity of keeping God first, family second, and work after that….it matters. The issues that come with multiple sex partners are devestating, add that to developmental immaturity of teenagers and it becomes even more devestating. The children are being told sex is just a thing, when in fact it is much much more than that spiritually and physically.
    Marrying younger? Perhaps, but only in situations where there is supportive protection from the families, the church families, and the community to help support young couples and not berate them for their giving up of their “freedom”.

  6. I got married when I was eighteen and Mike and I just celebrated our 12 yr anniversary in July. I would venture to postulate that getting married at a younger age can be a way to combat the sexual sin temptation if A. you have met the person God has for you, B. you are aware of what marriage is realistically and C. you are matured through life experiences and a personal relationship with Jesus.

    The male brain is not fully developed (and the parts that mature last are related to judgment, reasoning and impulse control in the pre frontal cortex) until his early to mid 20's. As a mom of all boys (like you Lori) I don't know that I would want my boys making the decision about their life mate before that crucial brain development had taken place.

    Interesting debate and I'm sure we will hear more about this in the future.

  7. Lori-
    What a great and thought provoking question! I know and I have blogged about how marriage is a decision that hubby and I have to make each day. It is hard work! And, in saying that, hubby and I are not the same people that fell in love oh so many years ago. Instead, we have faced our trials and tribulations together with God and with His help, we have grown into two different, yet very much still in love people. If marriage is perceived as a journey and as a growing and learning process instead of an end result to a courtship, than I think that encouraging it at a younger age may be a good thing.

    I feel like I am talking in circles and not making sense.

    Anyway, thanks for the deep thoughts. :)

    Annie

  8. Thank you for this additional information and joining in on the discussion I
    am enjoying reading these.

    Lori

  10. I couldn't fathom my 14 yr old son being encouraged or being ready for marriage in just a few years but I am doing my best to train up my son's to #1. Listen to God and to obey! I could have never fathomed when I was 14 and started praying for my hubby, that I would meet him when I was 19 but I did. 17 yrs later I am so glad I was obedient to God. Marriage has been the hardest relationship and the most rewarding one. #2. To be men who adore girls for who God made them to be and to know how to be a great friend. Fortunately we foster and had the amazing opportunity to have a girl live with us for 4.5 yrs. My boys learned they could love someone and be best friends. Tamara gave my boys the amazing gift of friendship and I will forever be grateful! #3. I continually model to my children that marriage is a journey of two people who continually choose to go it together and have a blast doing it!
    If there is one thing I could change in Christian marriage ceremonies it would be this…When you light the unity candle, keep yours lit.

  11. Hey girl,
    We got married VERY young. We kind of grew up together through the years. It has been great for us – I wouldn't change a thing (32 years later). Everyone thought we would never make it – oh ye of little faith!! I can see it's not for everyone, but it worked for us!!